Spring is in the air and yes,
our "mating" and "nesting" urges are in full swing. Is that
too forward? Mating? Makes me giggle. Friends are getting engaged and
married and some are even having children. When engagement, wedding,
bachelorette, bridal, baby shower invites are constantly filling up our inboxes
and mailboxes, we find that we are asking ourselves, where are we at in our own
relationship?
Most would be rushing right
to the aisle along with everyone because of this unseen force to be hitched.
Why not right? You love him and he loves you, so why don't you get married? And
in fact, if he loves you so much, why aren't you already married? For, like the
good ol' proverb by Mrs. Jay-Z,
"Cause if you like it then you shoulda put
a ring on it."
This mantra and mind thinking
is both detrimental to your relationship and unhealthy to your psyche. Let's go over a few
reasons to NOT get engaged/married:
Wrong Reasons to get
Engaged/Married:
1. "We've Been Dating
Forever": Time does not mean that both parties are mentally, physically,
emotionally ready for a marriage. And while marriage seems the correct step
because of the length of time you've been together, there are several factors
that need to be in place, such as complete trust, emotional independence,
stability in work, etc. There are several factors that need to be met in order
for a person to feel that being married is going to start without any problems.
2. "All Our Friends Are
Getting Engaged and Married": Getting engaged/married for this reason is
only focused on the "being engaged/married" and you lose the meaning
of what getting married is about. Too focused on the title of engagement rather
than the relationship.
3. "We're Getting Older": And from my dear Aaliyah, "Age aint nuthin but a number". You see
couples getting married when they are 20 and when they are 80. It's not about
the piece of paper that says you are married, it's about the relationship
behind that. If it takes you 10-,20-, 50-years, that's what it takes. What is
important is that you are with the one you love.
4. "We Want Kids In X
Amount Of Years": In today's progressive age, you really don't need to be
hitched to have kids. Marriage does not give the "okay" to have kids
and vice versa. They are two separate events in your life leading to two
different things. Wanting to have kids does not give the "okay" that
you two are ready for marriage.
So, lets go back to the roots
of why you are together.
Remember that marriage is not
a reinforcement of your faithfulness and love. If you feel that faithfulness
and love will be cemented because of marriage, then you have bigger issues to
deal with than why isn't he asking you. The whole reason you want to get
married in the first place is because you love your significant other so much.
However, your feelings for them shouldn't change even the slightest whether you
get married or not. Marriage is literally a piece of paper and a confirmation
to the government. It is a government affair. What you should be focusing on is
the love that you feel for your significant other and the memories you are
creating together.
If you are curious, don't be
afraid to talk to your significant other about why you guys aren't engaged
yet. However, be ready for the truth and do not be angry about the truth.
Having your significant other open up about their fears or hesitations requires
an open line of communication and an unbiased ear. If they feel like you are
going to explode and rant when they confess their truth, your significant other
will not trust you with that information (which is not good for both parties as
it creates its own set of frustrations for both of you). Maybe one of you is
ready but the other isn't. Both parties have to be ready to enter this union.
And it may not be about their feelings for you that is holding them back. It
could be several other factors.
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