Hello Dear Readers,
Today I am going to take a break from all
the workouts, give our physical body some time to relax, and delve into the
emotional part of our lives, specifically: relationships. The topic I'm going
to cover today is an issue that my friend has been struggling with for the past
year.
Note: Although this post discusses a
relationship between a girl and a guy, this type of personal issue can arise in
any type of relationship. Hopefully you find my advice that I gave to her
helpful. And if you feel that I am in the wrong, please discuss below! I’d love to hear your thoughts and
how you would have approached the situation.
……….
The Dilemma:
I was going to give a whole back-story to why my friend approached
me for some advice, but I found that there are too many variables to take into
consideration (such as each person’s
personality and behavior beyond the situation). So I’m going to get straight to the
issue:
“What do you
when, after dating for someone for a long period of time, you find that the person
they are today is no longer the person you started dating way back when.”
The Advice:
So, I guess the first thing
you need to ask yourself is, do you like the person they are today? I’m guessing that there are some
aspects to their personality that you do not agree with, or else you would not
be reading this.
So the first thing you need to do is
figure out what kind of “personality” this is that you are not
quite pleased about. Is it a habit? Like leaving the seat up? Or is it a
trait? Like being lazy or throwing fits?
If it is a habit, that can be broken in
two ways: you either ask him (and I mean directly—guys
do not hear hints—be
direct and to the point) to change the habit or you get over it. Simple as
that. Is leaving the toilet seat really that big of a deal? How about leaving
the toothpaste cap off? These are such small things to be upset about anyhoo. Maybe the reevaluation should be from within and what you consider really
important. Or maybe it can be a little bit of both. Request that he makes an
effort to remember to put that toilet seat down and you’ll make an effort not to let
your skin crawl every time you see that he didn’t.
If it is a trait, something like being
lazy, or preferring not to go out (something that is cemented into his personality), this is something
that you can take in three different ways: accept it, reject it, or discuss and
compromise.
Sometimes the way a person is, isjust
the way they are. You can just accept it as who they are. For example, if they
prefer to stay in, that is their preference. However that does not mean you
have to. Sure, having a weekend out once in awhile would be nice but just
because they refuse to leave the comfort of home doesn’t mean the doors to adventure is
closed to you. Go out by yourself, with your friends, with family. Your
resentment can stem from the feeling that you aren’t allowed or can’t go do something. You are not
limited. Maybe accepting that you aren’t
limited will ease the frustration a bit.
You can reject it and leave his cutie
patootie. It may not be easy but maybe the people you are today are no longer compatible.
Maybe you want to be able to go out and travel with your significant other.
Maybe there is someone out there that will travel the world with you. But this
is definitely easier said than done. Leaving this person, whom you have
invested so many years with, who knows you pretty well, and someone who you
feel comfortable walking around in your embarrassing granny panties in, is a
HUGE decision. But you need to decide what is good for you today and for future
you. Will you be happy being in the same situation you are 10 years from
now? You cannot depend on the idea that you can change someone. You have to
make the decision whether this is something that you can live with for the rest
of your life and if this is the person you want to grow old with.
The last decision: try to
discuss and compromise. Sometimes people aren’t even aware of how much they have changed. Having a
non-confrontational (and EMPHASIS on the NON!)
discussion about the situation is a great first step. See what they have to say, find out why they are
acting the way they do, and then ask if you both can find a compromise between his personality versus what you are looking to do. So while
you shouldn’t expect him to be
out and about on adventures with you everyday, he shouldn’t expect you just to sit with him and be perfectly
fine with it. The compromise would be taking a trip to the city or other area
once or twice a month, maybe taking a hike one Friday, and then spending a
night in with your hubby.
You have to remember a
relationship will not always be fireworks. A relationship is about work and
finding a solution TOGETHER. So if you are BOTH
willing to work together and make your relationship a success, then I know you
can tackle most if not all problems.
Happy Relationship J
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