Thursday, April 18, 2013

A Little Heart To Heart: Making A Tough Decision

Hello Dear Readers,

Today I am going to take a break from all the workouts, give our physical body some time to relax, and delve into the emotional part of our lives, specifically: relationships. The topic I'm going to cover today is an issue that my friend has been struggling with for the past year.

Note: Although this post discusses a relationship between a girl and a guy, this type of personal issue can arise in any type of relationship. Hopefully you find my advice that I gave to her helpful. And if you feel that I am in the wrong, please discuss below! Id love to hear your thoughts and how you would have approached the situation.


The Dilemma:
I was going to give a whole back-story to why my friend approached me for some advice, but I found that there are too many variables to take into consideration (such as each persons personality and behavior beyond the situation). So Im going to get straight to the issue:

What do you when, after dating for someone for a long period of time, you find that the person they are today is no longer the person you started dating way back when.

The Advice:
So, I guess the first thing you need to ask yourself is, do you like the person they are today? Im guessing that there are some aspects to their personality that you do not agree with, or else you would not be reading this.

Habit or Trait?
So the first thing you need to do is figure out what kind of personality this is that you are not quite pleased about. Is it a habit? Like leaving the seat up? Or is it a trait? Like being lazy or throwing fits?

If it is a habit, that can be broken in two ways: you either ask him (and I mean directlyguys do not hear hintsbe direct and to the point) to change the habit or you get over it. Simple as that. Is leaving the toilet seat really that big of a deal? How about leaving the toothpaste cap off? These are such small things to be upset about anyhoo. Maybe the reevaluation should be from within and what you consider really important. Or maybe it can be a little bit of both. Request that he makes an effort to remember to put that toilet seat down and youll make an effort not to let your skin crawl every time you see that he didnt.

If it is a trait, something like being lazy, or preferring not to go out (something that is cemented into his personality), this is something that you can take in three different ways: accept it, reject it, or discuss and compromise.

Accept It
Sometimes the way a person is, isjust the way they are. You can just accept it as who they are. For example, if they prefer to stay in, that is their preference. However that does not mean you have to. Sure, having a weekend out once in awhile would be nice but just because they refuse to leave the comfort of home doesnt mean the doors to adventure is closed to you. Go out by yourself, with your friends, with family. Your resentment can stem from the feeling that you arent allowed or cant go do something. You are not limited. Maybe accepting that you arent limited will ease the frustration a bit.

Reject It
You can reject it and leave his cutie patootie. It may not be easy but maybe the people you are today are no longer compatible. Maybe you want to be able to go out and travel with your significant other. Maybe there is someone out there that will travel the world with you. But this is definitely easier said than done. Leaving this person, whom you have invested so many years with, who knows you pretty well, and someone who you feel comfortable walking around in your embarrassing granny panties in, is a HUGE decision. But you need to decide what is good for you today and for future you. Will you be happy being in the same situation you are 10 years from now? You cannot depend on the idea that you can change someone. You have to make the decision whether this is something that you can live with for the rest of your life and if this is the person you want to grow old with.

Discuss and Compromise
The last decision: try to discuss and compromise. Sometimes people arent even aware of how much they have changed. Having a non-confrontational (and EMPHASIS on the NON!) discussion about the situation is a great first step. See what they have to say, find out why they are acting the way they do, and then ask if you both can find a compromise between his personality versus what you are looking to do. So while you shouldnt expect him to be out and about on adventures with you everyday, he shouldnt expect you just to sit with him and be perfectly fine with it. The compromise would be taking a trip to the city or other area once or twice a month, maybe taking a hike one Friday, and then spending a night in with your hubby.

You have to remember a relationship will not always be fireworks. A relationship is about work and finding a solution TOGETHER. So if you are BOTH willing to work together and make your relationship a success, then I know you can tackle most if not all problems.

Happy Relationship J

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