Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Finding Closeness Through Independence

A reader of ours recently sent us this message: “My husband and I have lost our passion. We go through our daily routine and we hardly talk anymore. I try to plan more things to do together but even that only helps temporarily. What can I do to continue the excitement?”

Dear Anonymous Yet Valued Reader,

Chemistry between two people stems from interest in the other, finding out who they are, what makes them so unique. Many relationships lose that spark due to several factors; but one common factor that causes couples to lose that spark is by constantly being around each other. Of course you want to be around your significant other because you find them interesting and you want to be an active part of their life; but constantly being around each other has its shortcomings: the curiosity wanes, conversations lack and the relationship goes stale.

Now, it’s not because you do not love each other anymore and it’s hardly for lack of wanting to keep the passion alive. But when you are together day in and day out, you don’t have anything the other does not know already.

So here is my crazy solution. In order to grow closer together…get away from each other. Tada! Extreme? Not at all. Difficult? Maybe at first. You are so used to your schedule. We are creatures of habit. We wake up, shower, go to work, come home, make dinner, dine together, go to bed and do it all over again the next day. But that cyclical schedule, though comfortable, can be the cause for your lack of spark.

You know what the other is up to every moment of the day because you’ve done it for so long. So take up a hobby, begin a new activity, get out of that house and take time for yourself! I can promise that your significant other will appreciate the time they have for themselves also.

I’ve been with the love of my life for 8 years and I have been blessed for every single day I have been with him. But 8 years is a mighty long time to keep the conversation going! We keep our relationship exciting by being just a little selfish by pursuing our personal interests and in turn we become a bit more supportive and compassionate towards one another’s needs and wants. Do something to better yourself and how you feel about yourself. By loving yourself and valuing who you are, others will in turn begin holding you to your true worth. But that is a whole other article in itself!

Back to the situation at hand. Have you wanted to learn a musical instrument? Take a dance or yoga class? Have a picnic at the park and finish that book that’s lying dusty in that bookshelf? Take a trip to a national park and climb the hill? Do one of these things or do all! It only makes sense that by taking up something new, you will have more to talk about.

I took up yoga to give myself some me time. I’m sure you’ve heard the physical benefits of yoga but the mental calmness and happiness I now carry with me day to day has changed my life. When I am with my significant other I no longer complain about my controlling boss or things at work that stress me out. Yoga has allowed me to look at life in a more calm and laid back manner. Instead of complaining during the time I have with my significant other, we spend the time together and just enjoy our time.

So I challenge you dear reader who submitted your question and to all the readers reading this: even if your relationship is amazing, even if your relationship is rocky, or even if its just right, I challenge all of you to finally do that one activity, that one action that you’ve been wanting to do but never got around to doing. Take some you time. Live your life. And do tell me about it.

If you have any questions shoot us a note! We would love to hear from you and would love to offer advice.

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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